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Wednesday, May 16, 2007
{ 5:39 AM }
Ah! my mood for today is spoilt right in the morning when i was called out. then i got scolded harshly. man..it's just i didnt hand in an mc on time. you may thing it's very serious, but then..yea. why cant we wait? and those words were harsh. really harsh. it made me very anrgy and at the same time sad. the angry part is the more one. then i broke down. especially when i remember that i'm like treated not very well. i'm like a forgotten creature. am i really disppearing?? ha. you think you know me well. but you dont. there are many things which are not told to you. you people many think that i deserve it..yea..i partly deserves this, but it is not totally my fault is it? there are still some other factors which are involved in this case. i am irresponsible. it is because i dont have the respect i am suppose to have. i do have a wrong attitude. i think that i should not do what i dont like to do. i dont see a reason why you should do something that will make yourself unhappy just to please others. "if i had my mouth i would bite; if i had my liberty i would do my liking; in the meantime, let me be that i am, and seek not to alter me." many times i feel lonely and i dont feel that i'm myself whenever i'm there. there's no reason to do something we dont like just to please others. it's just like sucking up..so fake. and where is all the freedom? i know you people hate me. i know..thank you. really. i give up. i dont want to hate anyone anymore..it's really tiring. maybe i'll just finish all my hatred within this week. i dont want to look back when i am old and find that i've always done things that will only make myself regret. this is my life..and i havent changed much. it is you who have changed. remember how close we were? we're no longer that close anymore. i'm still there..you are the one who left. whatever i do, it's my fault. and i do deserve it. even if one day, a car accidentally came onto the pavement and knocked into me..it's still my fault. i love those people around me who really understood(: thank you so much..i'm so worried about tomorrow..my results today were lousy. very lousy. i hope tomorrow will be better. going to see her again tomorrow, but i dont feel like talking to her.
